Something about love or whatever

In theory, people’s relationships can be quite diverse – but usually they’re still in couples. That generally entails three aspects: the concept of romantic love, a man*, and a woman*. And, most importantly, no one else.

 

These hetero couples are the nucleus of societal organisation and therefore instrumental in ensuring its survival as it currently is. For example, they play a big part in keeping up old gender roles. But because current society is actually a pretty shitty one, we should try and destabilize all its bits and pieces. The romantic couple is an ideal that people came up with less than 250 years ago. From a young age on we are taught that the right way of living can only be with a romantic partner and a few friends. It seems obvious. In a society that makes people compete with each other constantly, being part of a couple is a convenient safe haven: you can feel safe because the other person is reliable and supposed to only be there for you. And no one asks any stupid questions, while being in other forms of relationships can get you lack of understanding and even physical violence. These things happen to women* more than men*. If they’re not in a relationship they get called a slut or suspected of being “cold” and “heartless”.  And apart from all of this, the seemingly clear defined categories of friendship or love make interactions easier.

 

Well… let’s go be part of a romantic couple then! No? Even though there are many relevant reasons for people to live like this, the couple concept can also cause a lot of damage.

One of the main problems is the idea that you belong to someone. The concept of property reaches the interpersonal level. This is also a bigger problem for women* than for men*. Apart from sexuality and being there for each other emotionally, romantic relationships often also entail having an influence on the other person’s friendships or on their exterior. Hardcore fears of losing the other person and jealousy are examples that show that often the main components are control and property, not the actual affection. Furthermore, stereotypical patterns lead to there being less open communication about needs and feelings. Misunderstandings, frustration and fights are quick to occur because the pressure to experience everything with one person is huge, as is the fear of losing that one person. And friends are often made to feel less important.

All these things can be quite hurtful. But the good news is: there’s not just one alternative, there’s many. Most importantly: communication is quing. And it gets even better when friendships and romantic relationships aren’t necessarily two different things anymore. When people talk about their needs and about what they want their relationship to look like – without having to choose. Here, the first priority should always lie on realising what you want for yourself and then finding solutions together. Of course, talking about these kinds of things can be a lot of work, but an honest and respectful way of interacting can bring many nice things to live.

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